I haven’t written in my blog in a long time. Not because I didn’t want to. Not because I didn’t think of a million and one things along the way I wanted to write about. But, because I’ve been busy. Not normally busy, but crazy busy. The type of busy where you don’t have a single moment for yourself. So, here I am, in Late January writing my first blog in months (maybe since last spring??). And, what’s interesting is that the last few weeks have been some of the longest days I’ve ever worked. You would think I’d be too busy to write. However, I find that I am NEEDING to write. To get it out. To share what I can. So today I will reflect on change. Change that is for self-healing and self-care, not for others. Here it goes…

In the last year I’ve written a lot of about self-care. I’ve told you about my planned out spa days 4x a year to relax and take care of my mental well-being. I’ve told you about books I’ve read, walking my dogs, and taking time for me. But, what I haven’t reflected on till now is self-care that is bigger and all encompassing. Self-care that requires life changes beyond a day off or taking time for yourself. I turned 44 recently. And for some reason, something about this age has resonated with me. No, I’m not in a mid-life crisis (although my Vespa scooter purchase this summer would lead some to believe that!). But, it did make me realize that if I live to a good old healthy age, that I’m easily over half way finished with this life. That’s a pretty sobering thought. And, when you couple that thought with the fact that I’m not super happy with some things in my life, it makes one think and reflect upon what can be done to change that.

Up until now, I’ve been plugging away at life. Work, kids, spouse, friends…trying to be all to everyone. The last handful of years I’ve tried to work on self-care. I’ve done all the “things”, but they don’t seem to be working. I exercise, eat pretty decent, take time for myself, do things that are fun for me (puzzling, reading), travel…and a bunch of other “things”. What I think I’m beginning to realize is that it isn’t the things I do, but what is happening in my life. So I’ve made some pretty huge decisions the last few days. Decisions that have been floating around in my mind for a while now, but they felt more like ideas, wants, or maybes…never something that could be reality.

While I am not going to share those decisions today, I can say that I woke up feeling very free this morning. The sun was shining (that always helps), but I felt a peace of mind that I am taking active steps towards positive changes for myself…more than just doing “things”. And don’t worry, I’ll share when it’s time 🙂

So today I work on changes. Changes to ensure that the 2nd half of my life is filled with love, joy, happiness, and above all, what I want it to be. And while I know there will still be challenges ahead, rough/hard times, and difficulties (I’m not that rosy eyed!), I also know that it’s a move in the right direction.

My friends, family, and all those that I don’t know but follow me – thanks for all of your support and love. It keeps me fueled and moving forward to do the good work. I’m going to write more in my blog and update…so stay tuned for more details and info to come!

The Positive Principal,

Stephanie

Where to even begin? It’s been months since I last wrote on my blog. Why you might ask? Well, because work and life hit me really hard; especially work. Once everyone figured out the plan for Remote/Distance Learning…it was 0 to 100. My life became Zoom, Google Meet, phone calls, and email. I think the hardest part for me was trying to keep our students and families engaged and to keep our school community strong and connected…even though we were apart. But, this is not the reason for my blog post. So, let me get that started.

Today my subject is kindness. Or in more negative words, why are people mean? Let me begin my story…

The last few weeks have been H, E, double L. I’ve been working from about 8am to 10 or 11 pm each work day (maybe a few short breaks in there, but not much), and many weekends as well. I was trying to do it all; finding ways to do all the traditions we normally do to wrap up a school year with our students, staff, and community, but virtually. I was also trying to keep my positive and happy vibe. Trying my hardest to be strong for my staff and community. I was not only overworked, but overwhelmed and exhausted. During this time, my oldest daughter also graduated from high school. Yes, let’s add one more big life changing event into this crazy and wacko time.

And, during all of this, I’ve been treated unfairly. I’m treated nice to my face, but have had things said about me that are untrue; or my words twisted. Well, what do I do as the good, positive, kind person that I am? I turn the other cheek. And when that one is slapped, I turn it back so the other side can be ready for another slappin’. Even though the slapping may not happen directly to my face…it feels the same. I pretend that I don’t know; that I don’t hear the things said about me or my words being twisted. I pretend I’m not affected. Because, somehow I’m not supposed to be human. I’m apparently supposed to be some sort of robot with no emotions. My feelings don’t matter.

But, that isn’t true at all. My feelings do matter. I am a human being. I am a real person who just so happens to be a principal and a leader. I am NOT power hungry at all. I went into this position to make a difference. Everything I do is to help our students, staff and families. So, why is it so hard for some to treat me with kindness? I’m talking even when you don’t get your way or what you want. Even when you don’t like a decision I make. What is hard about being kind then?

So, let’s talk about what happens when you are working too much and someone is unkind to you. It equals a mental break down. It usually only takes one more thing, and often little, to cause it…the proverbial “straw that broke the camels back”. The tears come and they come hard. It’s hard to leave my office (as I don’t want everyone to see I’ve been bawling my eyes out) as I’m supposed to be the strong, positive leader.

After the mental break down and time working from home (I spent a day working from home and not going into the office as I didn’t want to see anyone), I was able to pull myself up by the britches and put on that smile/happy face again and continue marching on. Because, it’s what we do as principals. It’s what leaders do.

I recognize now, in my calm and reflective state, that it’s not about me. When someone is unkind, it’s about them. They are unhappy. However, in the moment, it HURTS. Like really, really hurts. It makes me question why I went into leadership. Why am I doing this? Why do I keep doing this? I often say to myself “this is crazy” and “what am I doing?”

And then I look around. I focus on the vast majority who are AMAZING! They are kind, loving, compassionate, and so dedicated! And I remember that there are always sour apples, but most are sweet! And I hold onto those that are dear and true.

Today I came home from a walk and on my doorstep was the most beautiful bouquet of flowers from one of my amazing teachers. And, the best part, was the most heartfelt, sweetest card inside. And the tears flowed again, but this time they were happy tears. Tears because I felt appreciated. It reminds me that I do make a difference. Most people see it. They are kind. And they notice all that I do to help them, our school, our students, and our families. They recognize the sacrifices I make. They recognize that I am human and need some love and encouragement as well. It restores my faith and my “why” and I move forward. I remind myself of my truths. I am kind. I am compassionate. I am helpful. I am caring. I am loving. And, yes, I am human.

Stephanie Hollinger

The Positive Principal

*The flowers in the picture are the ones I found today on my doorstep. They are seriously some of the most beautiful flowers I’ve ever received!

Where do I even begin this week? This is a world I never thought I’d be in. I feel like my work life has went topsy-turvy. It’s like I’m on an episode of Stranger Things and I’m in The Upside Down (if you have no clue what I’m talking about…then you need to watch Stranger Things while you are stuck at home!).

This week brought plans for Remote Learning while teachers were conferencing with families. And I will admit, I had a little mini-mental break down early in the week as I was trying to process and figure all of this out. It’s a LOT to plan for, take in, and then prep everyone else for. How do you lead when you don’t know what you are doing most of the time? Like I said, it’s like I’m in The Upside Down and we are changing everything we know and do so well. So, I followed my own advice. I took a walk at the point when I felt overwhelmed. I hashed out my thoughts with my husband on the walk. When I came home, I felt better! Way better! Fresh air and time away from the computer is always beneficial.

The week from that point on was crazy busy! Getting a remote learning plan up and ready for staff to run with it, meeting teachers online in teams, holding an online staff meeting for over 30+ teachers, getting a plan for material distribution…whew…it was exhausting! I found myself working 12+ hour days. Which is exactly what I’ve been telling everyone NOT to do!! Ugh. Not doing well following my own advice.

And then my Office Professional (OP – or as others call it – Secretary) called me. We have a wonderful relationship and she keeps me in line at school, manages my schedule, and well, basically does it all! She’s incredible. She called to remind me (ok…really she just told me in a very no nonsense way), that even though I’m at home, and cannot see my team, that I still have a team. As she said to me “you created a strong team, now let us do what we are good at!”. Oh, how I love her! She is so right. I have created the most amazing school team. My office staff is incredible. My paraeducators are the best! She then says to me “let me take coordination off your plate…let me handle the behind the scenes stuff so you can work with the teachers.” I felt an instant relief. Because, for one, I knew she would rock all of the coordination. She’s awesome at that. But, also because it freed me up to do the work I needed to do.

Now, many of you might be saying right now “well, duh, of course she should have asked her staff to help….is she so self-centered that she doesn’t rely on others?”. The answer is no. I don’t think I am the best and I try not to be a control freak. However, being at home, it is easy to forget that we have teams. We can’t see them. They aren’t right there beside us like normal. So, it’s easy to forget to ask for help and it’s easy to start trying to do it all alone. We have people who WANT to help! I had just forgotten. But, my OP knew this and put me back in my place 🙂

From that day on, the week got better. Now, don’t get me wrong…it was still crazy busy and stressful. But, it was manageable. My OP emailed all of my amazing paras to ask if any would be willing to volunteer to come into school to help with the collection of materials (to prep for distribution). Every single one of them said “YES!” One said “put me in coach!” On Friday, we had a team of people working together (well, at least 6 feet apart). My counselor came in with her daughter…and brought home-made masks for all!

So, my message this week is that even while we are working alone at home, to not forget that we still have teams of staff ready to help. Utilize them! You’ll feel WAY better! And while I’m at it, don’t forget to thank your staff and show your appreciation. Even a little text or email telling them how much you appreciate them goes a long way!

Lessons for moving forward:

1. Rely on my staff (just like you would at school). Don’t forget that they are still there just because they are not physically with you.
2.  Keep taking walks. Fresh air, exercise, and getting out of the house helps to keep your mind sane.
3.  Set office hours (I really need to learn this one – if you haven’t noticed…it’s been on all 3 weeks of lessons)!

I hope you are all staying safe, healthy, and sane 🙂

Stephanie

The Positive Principal

Well, I made it through week 2 (and you did too)! Give yourself a pat on the back. I’m going to give myself one as I’ve worked HARD this week!  

This week brought a huge learning curve. I went from talking in person or through email, to communicating mostly via Zoom or Google Meet video meetings. I know many of you are in the same boat as well. I have no issues with new technology. However, it was a lot of new tools to learn very quickly. This makes ones brain extremely tired!

And, as many of us have learned this week, there is still a LOT of work when working from home. My staff have questions. My families have questions. I’m trying to keep my families engaged and connected with our school. I’m learning new technology (and then leading my staff in a tutorial when I had just learned it myself…pretty funny!). I’m trying to lead my staff and school from afar.  I am worrying, wondering, planning and leading…whew, I’m wiped out just thinking back on it all!

Last week I shared with you my lessons learned. But, I did not follow my own advice very well. So, I’m writing some new lessons and thoughts so that I WILL follow them next week! I cannot keep working all day and into the evening.

Lessons for working and living at home during a quarantine:

1. Figure out ways to get out of the house or away from the computer. As I shared last week, I’ve been trying to take 2 walks with my dogs a day. Fresh air and a different environment is good for the mind, soul, and body! But, most days I only took one walk. Stephanie – listen to your own advice…2 walks a day!
2. Exercise is vital! My Assistant Principal is leading an exercise class online for any staff members multiple days a week. Not only am I getting exercise, but I also get to see faces from school (connections!).
3. Schedule – Ugh. This one has been REALLY tough for me! I haven’t even close to mastered it yet. But, I did better today and stopped working by 5pm (yay!). Next week the goal is to stop working on time at least 3 out of the 5 days (sounds like an IEP goal, right?!).
4.  Don’t go all Jack Nicholson (you know what I’m talking about if you’ve seen The Shining)! Your mental health during this time is SO important! Get out of the house for a walk. Go for a drive to see new surroundings. Call a friend or family member (and even better if you use Facetime or a virtual connection so you can “see” each other). Love on your animals if you have them. Take a hot bath. Read a book. But, the point is, do things that make you happy and keep you connected. We don’t need everyone going all psycho during this time (me included…and I will admit, there has been some yelling and frustration with my husband and kids this week…I’m NOT perfect!).
5. Lessen the amount of social media and news media you are exposed to. This often cause me to have a lot of anxiety; and I know this is the case for many others. Pick a newscast or 2 (maybe one local and one national) and that’s it! Don’t watch the news all day/night long. And, limit your social media. It’s easy to get sucked in. I’ve been working on not being on as much in the evenings. I encourage you do to the same. It’s good for our mental health!

Thanks for reading my blog. I hope it helps you to see that you are not alone and we truly are all in this craziness together! We got this!

Stephanie

~The Positive Principal

*Picture – this is my doggie, Brutus. My husband put him on the table and he sat/laid there for about 30 minutes while I worked!

Two weeks ago I was worried about the coming week. It was a full moon, Friday the 13th, and a time change. I also had a super busy week ahead. I was presenting my School Improvement Plan spring updates to the School Board and Superintendent and had 3 other evening events (4 total) planned. I was busy and stressed. However, none of that compared with what was to come (as you all know!).

As the week continued on, each day brought new changes to our society. Districts closing down due to COVID-19. Hoarding of toilet paper (still don’t get this…but I did wait in line for an hour the other day to get some as we needed it!). At first I was saying that each passing day brought many changes. But, that quickly became each hour. And then even by the minute. Example: I went to do an observation on Thursday, March 12th and came back 40 minutes later to learn that the governor of our state had just shut down the schools in 3 major counties. Wow!

Being the principal of a building means that everyone is looking to you for answers. The teachers, staff, and students (even though they didn’t get it quite as much…they were still looking to me to keep things consistent for them). The trouble is, I had no answers. This was new and unprecedented for all of us. My job was to keep the calm, keep life as consistent as possible at school, and to listen to concerns.

On early Friday afternoon (and of course, it just had to be a Friday the 13th!), it was announced that it would be the last day of school for at least 6 weeks. Wow. There was never a class I received in my principal training called “How to lead your staff during a pandemic”. So, I resort to what I know…my first job is always to ensure my staff and students feel safe; emotionally and physically. Therefore, I did what I always do…I led my staff in efforts to pack up in a few short hours, but also how to tell their students in a manner that didn’t feel scary. I wanted to be sure my students left school on a good note!

This past week (week 1 with no school) has proven to be one I will never forget. Saying “hi” to so many students coming to get free lunch/breakfast daily in their cars. Trying to keep my staff connected and up to date with what I was learning (but with this being so new, everything takes time to figure out). Connecting with my families in an entirely different way. Trying hard to help them stay connected to our school and to know that they aren’t alone…we will get through this and are stronger together (our district’s motto – which has proven to be so true this year!).

By the end of the week I’d set up a “work from home” office (at my dining room table) and engaged in my first Zoom video meeting (that was a whole new experience – weird!).

Lessons I’ve learned this week:

1.  Working from home is hard! You have to find a schedule (I’m still working on what this looks like). The other day I kept working and working…setting a time to stop is necessary.
2.  Getting out of the house is super important! But, ensuring you are social distancing (a phrase I can already tell we are going to be sick of hearing real soon!). The other day I took 2 shorter walks (instead of my normal 1 long walk each day). This got me out of the house and away from the computer. It also helped to clear my brain.
3. I eat WAY more working from home then when I’m at school. Ugh! Starting this Monday, I am planning my meal times into my daily schedule so I don’t just graze all day long (or else I won’t have any work clothes that fit when I return to school!).
4.  Staying connected with staff and students is vital! We all have a need to be connected to other humans. And, for so many, schools are the place where so many feel a connection! I’m working on daily Principal Challenges to keep our students engaged, active, and learning. I’m going to do a Virtual Spirit Week this coming week. And my brain is spinning with other ways to keep us all connected and a part of a community. Thank goodness for technology!!!
5. Working on a laptop while sitting outside doesn’t work well (I can’t see the screen!). Bummer! (the picture for this blog is me trying to work in the sunshine with my dogs…lasted about 5 minutes!)
6. Last – and most importantly – this virus is serious. I ask all of you that can…please STAY HOME!

Stay positive peeps! We got this!!

Stephanie, The Positive Principal

*If anyone would like to see what I’m doing to connect with families (and again, I’m still working on ideas)…you can always “like” or “follow” my school page (or just check it out). https://www.facebook.com/EvergreenForestES/

Last Friday I was cold. It was a cold that I could not get over. I snuggled under blankets, drank hot cocoa…but I was still cold. Then I woke up Saturday morning with an extremely sore throat where I could barely swallow and I knew why I had been cold the day before…I was sick with a cold.  Now, please note that I also live in Western Washington. You know…the current epicenter of the Coronavirus outbreak. So, getting a cold during this time makes people think you’ve got the Coronavirus too. Ugh. It’s a bad time to have a normal cold!  Therefore, I did something I normally never do, which is to stay home.

Now, if you know me, you will know that I normally would not take sick leave (especially for 4.5 days – almost an entire week!) to stay home nursing a bad cold. I normally would’ve sucked it up, taken cold medicine and ibuprofen, and come to school. I would’ve forged forward to do my principal duties. However, I would’ve been spreading my germs the entire time. I would’ve most likely made my co-workers and students sick as well (even though I practice good hand-washing and I cover my coughs and sneezes).  I would’ve told myself that I was needed and that the school couldn’t run without me. I was wrong.

You see, when we put structures in place and we have the right people, the building will operate just fine without us. While I’ve still been doing what I can via working from home, my building and staff are doing just fine! Now of course, being who I am, it also makes me a little sad. I wonder “am I needed?” But, then I receive emails from staff telling me they miss me and hope I’m resting and getting better. I also receive emails saying “thank you for modeling to not come into work sick”.  This helps me to realize that I have set a good example for my staff.  I’m the one always telling my staff if they are sick “rest, take the day off…we’ll be fine!” or if their family or children are sick “take care of them…family first…we’ve got things covered here!” And you know what, I believe it for them. I truly want my staff to take care of themselves and their families first. But, for some reason until now, I have not extended myself the same courtesy.

As I sit at home writing this on day 4.5 of being home (and getting a little stir crazy and probably loopy!), that if I would’ve trudged through this week like normal, I wouldn’t be getting better. I’d be getting sicker. This has been a pattern I’ve been through many times in my 6 years as a principal. Then what happens is after about 3 weeks of being dog sick I go to the doctor and usually have bronchitis. Well, this time, I’m taking care of myself. I’m sleeping long hours, taking naps, watching movies and shows, doing a puzzle, reading…and most importantly, not exposing others to my germs! And, I feel that by the time Monday comes, I’ll be ready to go back to work. This has been a good lesson for me to learn! And, while my school survived just fine without me for this week, I’m hoping they still need me and my positive energy 🙂

Lesson learned: Take care of yourself first. You cannot take care of others if you are unwell. And, don’t spread your cooties!

~Stephanie – The Positive Principal

P.S. Picture is of the puzzle I started this week!

Some weeks are good. Others tough. And then there are those weeks that are extremely tough. The weeks that are so emotionally draining that your tank is on empty, yet you keep giving (you must be pushing the car from behind). That was me this past week.

The week began like any other one. I stood at the door greeting my wonderful students and welcoming them back to school (always the best part of my day!). A few hours later I was in a conference room with my behavior specialist as a student hit, kicked, and spit on us repeatedly while standing on the tables and jumping at us. I’m sure you are all saying right now “yep, been there, done that!” And so have I. Too many times to count now. After work I went home and took a nap…I was pooped!

Because I was so busy with that on Monday, Tuesday was a super busy one as I was trying to get back on track from the previous day. Then Wednesday came. While I cannot share all of the details, I can tell you it was a terrible day that caused me a lot of stress and brought up some past trauma. As always, I compartmentalized and just kept right on going. The rest of the week was spent wrapped up in this situation (it was a devastating and tough student situation).

By Friday morning, I woke up and realized my tank was completely empty. I had given all I felt I could give in a week. I arrived at school and greeted the students at the door (again, always the best part of my day). It was Valentine’s Day, so everyone was happy and full of love! The day was busy, but a normal busy (thank God!). I had a steady stream of students coming to see me with Valentine’s throughout the day…and quite a few handwritten letters. My tank was getting refilled!

And then a blow came at me that I wasn’t expecting. I had been encouraged to submit a proposal to present at a summer conference held by my state for administrators and superintendents. This would have been a 1 hour session where people could decide to attend. I worked with my boss (assistant superintendent) on my proposal and we thought I had a pretty good one. It was centered on building a strong culture focused on positivity, but also one on high expectations. In my 5 years, we have seen huge growth and we have a great school climate…therefore, we thought that others may want to hear some of the things that have worked for me. Well, I got an email about mid-day on Friday, February 14th, saying basically “thank you for your submission, but your presentation hasn’t been chosen”. Now, there were many other words in that email including that they received more proposals than normal and asking if they could keep me on a list incase they needed more presenters. However, all I heard was “rejected”.

I was devastated. This was a huge blow to me at the end of a very long and hard week. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I sat for a minute at my computer trying to keep the tears at bay. I remember someone in the office asking me something and I remember that I answered, but I couldn’t look up because I knew I was getting teary eyed and they would see. I then shut my door and just let it out…I sobbed! Now, I know the sobbing was not just because of the rejection, but due to the cumulation of the entire week. However, in that moment it didn’t feel that way.

I had really put myself out there with this proposal. It wasn’t easy for me as public speaking is not my forte. In addition, I went back and forth before even submitting the proposal because I kept having thoughts of self-doubt like “Who would want to hear from me?”, “What do I think I know that others don’t?” But, my boss helped me to see that he thought many would like to hear from me and that I have a lot of things to share with others that have gone really well. So, when this rejection came in…it was like all of those thoughts came rushing back!

My counselor saw me at this point and asked what’s wrong…I completely broke down crying to her. I knew how ridiculous I sounded. First world problems, right?! After I finally cried it all out, I began to think about how I was going to tell others. Normally, I am one that doesn’t share things like this until I know if it is going to happen (because I worry if I share, I’ll jinx it; or that if it doesn’t happen, then I’m in a spot where I have to share with my rejection to others and I don’t want them to be disappointed in me). However, when I had my “sick day” back on February 5th (see my other blog post titled “Mental Health Day”), I read a book by Brene Brown titled The Gifts of Imperfection. In the book, Brene discusses “the courage it takes to risk being vulnerable and disappointed.” She addresses exactly what I’m talking about…that we often don’t tell others how excited or hopeful we are so that if it doesn’t happen, that somehow the pain will be less. As Brene states “playing down the exciting stuff doesn’t take the pain away when it doesn’t happen…it also creates a lot of isolation.”

This had really resonated with me on my “sick day”. I remember thinking to myself how this was just like my proposal. Normally I wouldn’t have shared with others (to save face if rejected), but in this case and because of Brene Brown, I chose to share with others. Now, I was in the position of sharing my rejection and honestly, it felt humiliating. Again, I had negative self talk “see what you get for putting yourself out there?!”, “now you have to share with others that you were rejected”. But, I remembered this passage from Brene’s book on courage and vulnerability. I then emailed my two closest principal friends (my principal besties as we call ourselves) and shared my rejection. I instantly received love and support (and most importantly – I was comforted by their words).

It’s the day after and it still feels raw to me, but that’s ok…I’ll dust myself off, pick up the pieces, and get right back on track. Will I apply to present again or put myself out there for something else? Yes. But, it’ll be some time. I really put myself out there and this rejection still stings. However, I am sure there are still other areas where I can push myself and grow; and information I can share that others will want to hear. Time will tell…

~Stephanie

The Positive Principal

P.S. – The picture was taken at The Cheesecake Factory as I sat at the bar enjoying good food and drink while finishing up Brene Brown’s book on my mental health day.