In sadness and anger…

I haven’t written in my blog in over a year. Things have been really busy for me. I’ve thought about writing so many times, but then I get busy again.

Not today. Today I not only feel a need to write, but it feels like a moral duty. That if I ignore this, I am turning my attention away from the matter. And that matter is too great. Too important. Too big to ignore and move on. What is this matter that I speak of? School shootings.

As I write this, it’s the evening of the Robb Elementary school mass shooting in Texas. My body feels heavy. Extremely heavy. I feel that I can’t breathe deeply. My heart hurts and my head is confused. So much anger and sadness dwell within me. The sadness is obvious. Parents lost their children today. Grandparents lost their grandchildren. Brothers and sisters lost a sibling. As a mother myself, I cannot even begin to imagine; nor do I ever want to imagine. The sadness I feel is just a drop in the bucket of those who lost loved ones today.

You might have noticed that I also mentioned I was angry. You might guess that I’m angry because our country continues to cave to the gun manufacturers. You’d be right. You might guess that I’m angry because gun rights are higher and often believed to be more important than the rights of students to be safe at school. You are accurate. You might even guess that I’m angry because our lawmakers keep allowing students to be shot when there are sensible gun laws that could be passed that would greatly reduce school shootings. Completely accurate. I’m angry about all of this.

I’m also angry because as a school administrator I often see early signs in students that are concerning, worrisome, and even alarming. However, often those concerns aren’t met with quick action by the medical profession and community mental health organizations. I’m angry because the hands of administrators are tied. We have very few resources that we can use when a student is out of control behaviorally (consequences). I won’t go into all of that now (lack of consequences) as that is not the whole point of this blog post, just a small part.

I’m angry with the lack of mental health access and supports for students and families. I see students and families who are in desperate need of help, yet wait lists are long. Often 6 months to a year at a minimum. And, even if you can get support, parents often can’t afford it as many providers don’t take insurance or state plans as they don’t pay enough. As a principal I have SCREAMED to get help for students. I have called doctors for families to get help. I have written countless letters to health care providers addressing student behavior concerns all in an effort for students and families to get support. I’ve called local programs for mental health supports/resources for students and families. And while I’ve been successful with many students and families, there are those that I haven’t been able to help due to lack of resources.

Why should a principal have to fight and scream to get support for a student that is struggling? Why do parents have to fight and scream to get the support their child needs? And, why do other parents ignore school leaders or blame us when we tell them their child is acting dangerous to themself and/or others? Schools don’t make kids destroy classrooms. Schools don’t make students hurt others. That isn’t normal.

I do not pretend to have all the answers as I know this is a super complex issue and frankly, I’m not smart enough to hold all the answers. However, I do have a few recommendations (listen up lawmakers):

1. Lawmakers need to put in place gun laws that are designed to protect the community. Am I saying I’m against the 2nd amendment and gun owners’ rights? No. Do I know there are ways we can put in place common sense gun laws? Yes. Do I know exactly what those are? No. Do I know there are people out there with ideas that could help? Yes. Let’s get some commonsense legislation in place. NOW!!!!
2. Support Early Intervention for mental health. This is a no brainer. If any student who needed mental health support was able to access it right away, including the family, I believe we’d see way less violence in the long term. And, support needs to be timely. We can’t keep passing off the issue saying “he’ll grow out of it” or saying the student is “too young” (and yes, I’ve heard that many, many times). Students and families need support when their children are young and struggling. We cannot wait till they are older.
3. Students need consequences when they destroy property and hurt others. How else will they learn this isn’t ok? And while I whole-heartedly believe in Restorative Practices, it needs to be used in conjunction with consequences. Otherwise, students think they can do whatever they want and then say “sorry” and clean up the mess and all is fixed. That’s not real life either.
4. And this one is specifically for parents…STOP letting your kids play video games with killing, shooting, and violence. I see this time and time again. Student has anger issues and outbursts at school. Student shows lack of empathy towards others. Principal asks the kid what they do outside of school and the answer is almost always “play video games”. When you delve deeper, you find out it’s Call of Duty or whatever else those killing games are called. Parents – when is it appropriate that a 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 or heck any age kid play those games? The answer is never. It’s never ok. Stop being your kids friend, be the parent, and say NO. Shooting video games should never be a part of adolescence. When kids become desensitized to killing by playing video games they are more likely to lack empathy as well. Lack of empathy is a very serious issue and the key to many of our mass shootings.

Please know these are my views and not those of my school district or anyone else. I’m not asking for a political debate on gun laws, gun rights, or school practices. I don’t have the energy in me or time for that (so please don’t go there). But, I’m tired. I’m tired of seeing kids die. And I’m angry. I’m so angry for the kids that don’t get to grow up and live a full life. For the families that are wallowing in sadness. I couldn’t’ keep quiet any longer. Something needs to change, and it needs to change NOW!

In sadness and anger,

The Positive Principal (who isn’t feeling so positive right now)